[ this wasn't me at all, she wants to say. this desperation, this-- struggle, she's had, reckless accusations and powerlessness and... all of this, she doesn't want this to be her. his words, the compliment, brings her no relief... it's a small bandage on a festering wound, but like the death he promises her... it's something.
she wasn't the first, judging from the blood she catches on his clothes, and she won't be the last. her eyes remain on him, the calm, graceful him so different from what he's shown her tonight-- and she releases yamato.
i couldn't win with you. for you, she thinks.
there would have been no response to kasen's words from pearl. she's plagued with hopes that perhaps she will come back, regenerate, that perhaps kashuu will forgive her for being unable to do what she said she would. that yamato would forgive her for not getting to the point where she felt comfortable, wearing his haori. that hijikata and clarine are alive the next morning, and will forgive her for being unable to join them. and, the last thought she has, the most important, the one that makes her shut her eyes--
no subject
she wasn't the first, judging from the blood she catches on his clothes, and she won't be the last. her eyes remain on him, the calm, graceful him so different from what he's shown her tonight-- and she releases yamato.
i couldn't win with you. for you, she thinks.
there would have been no response to kasen's words from pearl. she's plagued with hopes that perhaps she will come back, regenerate, that perhaps kashuu will forgive her for being unable to do what she said she would. that yamato would forgive her for not getting to the point where she felt comfortable, wearing his haori. that hijikata and clarine are alive the next morning, and will forgive her for being unable to join them. and, the last thought she has, the most important, the one that makes her shut her eyes--
i'm sorry, rose.
--when the blade finally strikes her. ]